Thursday, 14 November 2013

Jean-Claude Van Damme - DAMN!

This man is 53. And he is doing frickin' crazy stunts like this....Is this for real???
Anyway it's a great idea to show off the Volvo truck's dynamic steering.

Wednesday, 13 November 2013

I had a crush on you in Primary School.

I just read a lovely article in The Guardian by Caitlin Moran in which she told the story of her first love. Read it here. And it made me think it would be quite fun to write about my own. A confessional if you will. So here goes. Here's everyone I loved at primary school.

Age 5.
Living in Reading aged 5 I loved a cross-eyed little boy in the year below. I think his name was Peter. I never talked to Peter but I used to look at him and think that when he grew up he'd look like Prince Charming from Disney's Cinderella. That's when I would swoop in and marry him. By then his eyes would be sorted I presumed. This thought that my future was already a dead cert made me feel all content inside. I never got to find out if I was right though as, at the age of 6, my family cruelly moved me to Swansea. That's when my love life went to pot. Thanks family.

Age 6.
Aged 6 I had a dream that I woke up, got out of bed, opened the cupboard and a little green alien was standing inside. This green alien was David Bowie (I'd been watching the Labyrinth a lot). He had come to feed me medicine which would kill me. Weirdly enough I woke up and, instead of crying, realised that I was in love with David Bowie. I was very aware that there was a huge age gap between us. So I prayed to God to make him cryogenically freeze David Bowie so that he could be defrosted at a time when I was old enough to marry him. God let me down.

Age 7.
My friend Julia and I used to play with a boy called Eddie in our class. One day we both decided we wanted to go out with him. We didn't really know what "going out with meant" so we saw no reason why we couldn't do a group arrangement. So I ran up to him at breaktime and said, "Eddie will you go out with Julia and I?" Eddie replied, "No!", then ran to tell our friend Jessie who actually was going out with him. We had not known this. After that we didn't play together any more.

Aged 9.
This is when I had a crush on a blonde boy in the year above. I can't remember this boy's name but he was the best friend of the coolest boy in school who used to win the Eisteddfod every year with his choir boy voice. I thought the fact that I loved his best friend instead meant I had more discerning taste than every other child. That year I managed to get into the folk dancing school team and so did he so this meant lots of time on coaches to dance events mooning over blonde boy. Then he went to secondary school never even having looked at me.

Aged 10.
The coolest boy in my class was called Robert. He and his best friend Satvinda used to sit by me and think of ways to humiliate me. One day they asked me, "Aimee, have you ever seen a Peacock?". Wise to the fact this question was not an innocent one I thought carefully about my reply. It must be a test to see how worldly I was, I thought. "Yes", I replied smiling, "in the park". To this they burst out laughing, "haha, Aimee saw a cock in the park!" Fail. In the following year one of Robert's friends came up to me in class and told me, "Robert said he fancies you". Me? Well I obviously forgot all the mockery of the previous year and fell a little bit in love with him. But I was way to shy to do anything so I promised myself that when I got to secondary school I'd start having boyfriends.

yes. Everything would be great at Secondary School....