My advertising agency have just sent around a note to all staff saying they should prepare for the possibility that the office may at some point have to close due to Coronavirus. Weirdly I find emergencies exciting. I know there is the possibility of death but I can't help it. I'm like "oooh how will we survive! What weird things could I try eating from my garden if food runs out?" I could eat nettles! And sage! I've got a lot of sage". Here I run out of ideas since my garden doesn't have much that's edible in it.
The other things that I've been thinking of are, "I bet Corona larger are PISSED OFF!" Turns out I'm right. Apparently sales in China have plummeted costing the company £132 million in losses.
How to solve this problem? Well Corona could put capitalise on the publicity? They could do "Wasn't us gov" campaign although the difficulty is the some will think making light of the situation is heartless. It's a PR nightmare.
The other thing I'm thinking is why are we running out of masks? Everyone should be getting in on the act. Etsy should be full of hand-made eco alternatives, Goop should be making very overpriced crystal ones and Boots should be owning this.
There are plenty of ways companies could be capitalising on Coronavirus.
Grocery delivery companies could capitalise with special "Isolation packs" - full of healthy food to get you better quicker with special biohazard suit delivery men.
Then there's hand sanitiser brands. NOW IS YOUR TIME! Sell Coronavirus hand gel outside Tube stations. Set up booths at public events. Theme the hand gel for the occasion. We all need more hand gel!
Fashion could get in on the act with Fashionable masks. Imagine black leather ones with studs - Oooh la la so chic!
Then there's packs of tissues especially coated to stop the spread and strong enough to trap the germs. It doesn't matter if they are just normal tissues - this is a branding exercise. You do know that the shampoo for fine hair is the same as the one for thick hair right?
The pet market shouldn't feel left out. Special Coronavirus mats to place under your cat flap could trap germs so Tiddles doesn't trail in a nasty bug.
Then there's the luxury market. Private coronavirus escapes fly you to a remote island to wait out the virus's end.
Guys, Coronavirus will hit the economy hard. But there's always cynical advertising silver linings.