Dad: "hills are great. You can go up one side and down the other"
Me: "Dad, you can also go up and down the same side of a hill"
Dad: "oh yeh!"
Sister Kate (in car): "Hey look it's a cow! Oh wait maybe it was a horse. It looked like a horse but I think it was a cow".
Me: "Kate there are a lot of people here from...like...foreign".
Fiance at the crem during an awkward silence with the funeral director: "There's big chimneys you've got there"
Funeral Director: "yeah health and safety made me have them"
Text from dad: "I've just walked into a tree"
11 year old Cousin Dylan at the football: "I don't think many of the people here have proper houses...you know, not like us!" (there were a lot of burberry caps around).
Dad's 3 year old goddaughter looking at Kate's bedroom, "Oh it is messy, but I do like it".
Fiance running past a guy doing Tai Chi: "centered wanker".
Fiance's Mum: "I've bought you some cake specially.
Fiance: "Mum I don't like cake"
F's Mum: "Chocolate cake?"
F's Mum: "Jam sponge?"
F: "Mum I don't want any cake"
F's Mum: "Coffee cake?"
F's Mum: "Battonburg cake?"
F: "I DON"T WANT CAKE!"
(slight pause...F's Mum looks panic stricken).
F's Mum: " Philadelphia sandwich?"