Textual conversations between Mental aunty who is renting out her lovely home in Gower in Wales for holidays (if you're interested drop me a bell) at 11:30pm on Friday. I was asleep on the train home to Wales.
"Have got a 3 night booking from Ealing studios. I am famous!"
"Have you googled them?"
"Ooh Ealing have just texted moi. They r considering my house for new epic. Apparently Huge Grunt and Julian Robbins will be starring. Never heard of them myself but am sure they r fab."
"No way! That's seriously cool. Are you pulling my leg?"
"Ok have reread your message now I'm fully awake and realise you are yanking my chain. Poo. I was thinking hugh cud introduce me to Jude Law and we'd have steamy affair"
"Oh trials and tribulations. In the middle again! Av just come off the blower wiv some Donny Ebb who wants me 2 put a word in 4 im. Got 2 be honest am leaning towards bryn and ness. Think ness could handle the neighbours. O m g! Hae you heard of someone called wriggly spot? Well looks like when he finishes robin hood he is planing new king arthur film modern style in Gower. PA just emailed!"
"Who is donny ebb? Id speak to Thom Poos. He'll sort out your neighbours. Or Pie Salloon."
"Am concerned that noone is taking me seriously. Am under the influence of nothing other than a few haribo chews. I guess noone cares that I am currently chatting with Leonard Deecapricorn on msn. Personally I prefer the older man. Ooh av 2 go Forlorn Connery is on the line. He is mates wiv good friend of mine Catty Zitty Bones."
Mental Aunty again (she's on a roll):
"U won't believe this but this is true. Syphillis Stalloone is on the fone 2 husband. We wil never get to bed at this rate.
Me: "Eek he might catch something. I personally am being stalked by someone called funny deep. He disguises imself as a pirate. I have to get Poor Lando Bloop to fend im off"
"I understand. It's tough eh? Husband is on first name terms with Onher Knees Nightly so will have a word. Fear not niecey!"
Me: "What drug are you on? Did Fit Knee Jeers give it to you?"
Mental Aunty: "Av been dabbling with expectanty and special vat courtesy of Army Whingeflat".